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Monday, December 31, 2012

If I Have to Go Away


If you keep up with my postings, you know that on January 8 I find out if I have to go away to jail or prison.  With God's grace and mercy, I will be granted probation and will not have to go away; however, if I do have to go away, I know that there is a reason behind everything.  Anywho, if I go away, the 10 things that I am going to miss the most are:

1) My son
2) My family and fiance
3) Ability to hop online and take part in bible studies
4) Ability to call my family anytime I choose
5) Ability to eat and drink as I wish
6) Watching sunsets and watching the sunrise
7) Family dinners
8) Ability to go to church on Sunday mornings
9) Ability to go to my son's school activities
10) Watching my sister play basketball

Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Great Christmas


The Christmas holiday season went great.  In fact, I believe it was the best one I have ever had.  I was so thankful that my family and I got to spend it together, especially my fiance and my son and I.  We had went almost three years without getting to spend Christmas together, so it was great to get things back to normal. 

As for me, I'm still nervous about January 8, but I know God is working behind the scene to work out everything in the best manner possible.  Eddie and I have been given a great opportunity to spend bunches of time together this December, so if I have to go away at least I have all the great memories that we created over the past few weeks to take with me. 

God has been so good to me.  This past month alone Lucas made is successfully through surgery, Eddie and I have stayed clean and progressed in our recovery, my family and I have gotten along with one another wonderfully, my sister Grace has not sustained any injuries while playing basketball, and so much more. 

Thank you God for all that you do for me, not because I deserve it, but because you are so gracious to me.  I love you so much!!!  I am hopeless and powerless without you.  You are my everything. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

Sad Teardrops


I guess during the Columbine shooting I was too young to take in the true effects of the disaster.  During the horrific tragedy that occured at Virgina Tech in 2007, I guess I was too strung out on illegal substances to care.  Today, I am grieved.  I keep reading articles about the shooting at the elementary school in Connecticut, and I can't stop myself from crying. 

I can only think to myself, "What went through the children's minds?"  I like to believe that out of such a tragedy, God at least let the children die instantly, without pain.  For those children who were sent to the hospital, I also hope they endured no physical or emotional pain.  For some reason, this tragedy is one that will affect me for a long time.  I have deep sympathy for the parents of the children who were killed.  I will praying for them. 

I keep reminding myself, there is a reason behind this, as well as something good that can come from it.  As I have said many times before in my postings, beautiful things can come out of the messiest things in life.  It is hard to see and comprehend right now that God is bringing good things out of this sad situation, but I have faith that he has already prepared beautiful things to blossom from it.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

All I Want for Christmas is a Miracle


Wow!  Is Christmas really almost here?  As a child, I can remember literally counting down the days until I would awake and run downstairs to find what Santa brought me.  One year, I took a nap on Christmas Eve, and once I had awoke, I ran downstairs thinking it was Christmas only to discover that Santa had not come.  I was devastated.  Completely heart broken.  I thought that Santa must have for some reason put my name on the naughty list.  To my relief, my mother found me crying by the Christmas tree and informed me that it was not yet Christmas. 

Anywho, don't really know why I shared that memory, but I always think about it at Christmas time.  For this Christmas, I wish I could get one of those cards that's in the pic above.  GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.  I am so worried about whether or not I will have to go to jail on January 8, 2013, and then on top of that, if I have to go, I have no idea for how long I will be gone.  All I know is that my maximum sentence is up to five years.  Five years!!!  That's a long time to be away from my family and loved ones. 

What I have to keep reminding myself is that the only reason I may have to go to jail is because of a foolish mistake that I MYSELF made last year.  It's no one else's fault.  One bad choice can bring about serious consequences in one's life.  We would all be wise to take that to heart.  

So, basically, all I want for Christmas this year is a miracle.  I want God to give me a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card by having my judge grant me probation when I stand in front of him in January; however, I fully understand and accept the fact that being granted probation very well may not happen.  So, if I don't get granted probation, I would like for God to at least work things out so that I can stay in the local county jail instead of being sent to an actual prison.  On top of that and mostly, I pray that he fully prepares my family on emotional, mental, and financial levels to be OK while I am gone. 

The Lord is a God of no limits, so I am confident that he will have my situation worked out just as it should be.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

One of the greatest things that I have learned over the past year is that I never again have to be in the situation that I am in right now.   I never have to live the same lifestyle that I used to live because I am now serving a living God who died for my sins and who has redeemed me.  He gives me the power to overcome my past lifestyle.  He has literally set me free.  Even though I may have to go away behind bars, I have still been set free.  Praise be to the One and Only God!! I love you Jesus!!!


Sunday, December 9, 2012

God is Limitless



Both you and I will have struggles that we have to face in life, but if we turn to God for his strength, we will find that we can make it through even the toughest of times with a smile on our face.  Even through moments of grief and loss, we can still smile, knowing that God is doing good things. 

Last week at church, the pastor wanted to pray over my situation (the one about me possibly having to go to prison).  After church, I told him that I sometimes feel foolish for having my situation prayed over because there are other people who have much worse situations that need prayer, such as those people who are suffering from diseases, are homeless, suffering from addictions, or are grieving the loss of a loved one.  His reply to me was very comforting, and I firmly believe that it came directly from God.  He told me that God is limitless. 

I have always read in the bible that God is limitless, but I guess I never took into consideration what being limitless really meant.  Limitless means "to be without end, limit, or boundary."  God listens to all prayer requests and attends to them without limits. He cares just as much about your situations in life as he does mine, and he cares just as much about mine as he does yours. 

Never should we cease praying or asking for God's help about a situation simply because we think other peoples' prayers are more important.  If we serve the one and only Living God, we serve a God who is not limited in time, power, or strength. 

As I have said many times before, prayer is our most powerful resource that God has given to us.  Praise be to his name that it is also our most abundant. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A Carat for Me Cause He Loves Me


I woke up this morning in a really bad mood.  I have a tendency to do this, but rarely as bad a mood as the one I awoke in today. 

Anyways, to fix a bad mood, for me, I always try to talk things over with Eddie.  So, I text my bf of seven years and asked him to come home and spend the day with me.  Being that it had rained, he was off work and he said he was more than willing to drive all the way from Louisville (over an hour away) to spend the day with me.  I am so blessed to have him within my life.  That man really will do anything for me.  He would drive all the way around the world to spend time with me.  He is so wonderful. 

Before he got here, he told me he wanted me to look something up on the Internet.  He gave me the web address and when I looked at it I was in awe.  He asked me if I liked what I saw, and if I did, he was going to buy it for me (which he did).  Well, you have probably already guessed that what he was asking me about is in the picture above...an engagement ring.  He said he wanted to surprise me, but most of all, he wanted to make sure that I liked the ring.  I ain't too much into surprises, and anyone that knows me knows that, so I'm not at all upset that he chose to go ahead and inform me that he wants to get engaged. 

The only catch is, this will be the second time we are engaged.  But I don't suppose that's really a catch.  The first time around things didn't really work out.  There were bad choices made on both of our parts, but through God's help, we have both been able to forgive each other for the poor decisions made, and most importantly, we have grown to love each other through our mistakes. 

I guess when I sit back and think about it I wouldn't change a thing.  Eddie and I are perfect the way we are.  We may not be perfect individuals, but together, we make a great couple, and we share a great life together!!  Our lives put together are a divine combination.  I can testify to that because I see proof of it everyday through our son. 

I hope and pray that each one of you who reads this posting gets to experience the kind of love with someone that Eddie and I share.  It truly is something special.  It's not everyday that something so wonderful and beautiful can be made out of something that was at one time such a mess.  Just always remember, if you have something that is a mess in your life, good things can come out of it.  Hand it over to God; he can create beauitful things out of the messiest things in life.