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Monday, December 31, 2012

If I Have to Go Away


If you keep up with my postings, you know that on January 8 I find out if I have to go away to jail or prison.  With God's grace and mercy, I will be granted probation and will not have to go away; however, if I do have to go away, I know that there is a reason behind everything.  Anywho, if I go away, the 10 things that I am going to miss the most are:

1) My son
2) My family and fiance
3) Ability to hop online and take part in bible studies
4) Ability to call my family anytime I choose
5) Ability to eat and drink as I wish
6) Watching sunsets and watching the sunrise
7) Family dinners
8) Ability to go to church on Sunday mornings
9) Ability to go to my son's school activities
10) Watching my sister play basketball

Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Great Christmas


The Christmas holiday season went great.  In fact, I believe it was the best one I have ever had.  I was so thankful that my family and I got to spend it together, especially my fiance and my son and I.  We had went almost three years without getting to spend Christmas together, so it was great to get things back to normal. 

As for me, I'm still nervous about January 8, but I know God is working behind the scene to work out everything in the best manner possible.  Eddie and I have been given a great opportunity to spend bunches of time together this December, so if I have to go away at least I have all the great memories that we created over the past few weeks to take with me. 

God has been so good to me.  This past month alone Lucas made is successfully through surgery, Eddie and I have stayed clean and progressed in our recovery, my family and I have gotten along with one another wonderfully, my sister Grace has not sustained any injuries while playing basketball, and so much more. 

Thank you God for all that you do for me, not because I deserve it, but because you are so gracious to me.  I love you so much!!!  I am hopeless and powerless without you.  You are my everything. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

Sad Teardrops


I guess during the Columbine shooting I was too young to take in the true effects of the disaster.  During the horrific tragedy that occured at Virgina Tech in 2007, I guess I was too strung out on illegal substances to care.  Today, I am grieved.  I keep reading articles about the shooting at the elementary school in Connecticut, and I can't stop myself from crying. 

I can only think to myself, "What went through the children's minds?"  I like to believe that out of such a tragedy, God at least let the children die instantly, without pain.  For those children who were sent to the hospital, I also hope they endured no physical or emotional pain.  For some reason, this tragedy is one that will affect me for a long time.  I have deep sympathy for the parents of the children who were killed.  I will praying for them. 

I keep reminding myself, there is a reason behind this, as well as something good that can come from it.  As I have said many times before in my postings, beautiful things can come out of the messiest things in life.  It is hard to see and comprehend right now that God is bringing good things out of this sad situation, but I have faith that he has already prepared beautiful things to blossom from it.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

All I Want for Christmas is a Miracle


Wow!  Is Christmas really almost here?  As a child, I can remember literally counting down the days until I would awake and run downstairs to find what Santa brought me.  One year, I took a nap on Christmas Eve, and once I had awoke, I ran downstairs thinking it was Christmas only to discover that Santa had not come.  I was devastated.  Completely heart broken.  I thought that Santa must have for some reason put my name on the naughty list.  To my relief, my mother found me crying by the Christmas tree and informed me that it was not yet Christmas. 

Anywho, don't really know why I shared that memory, but I always think about it at Christmas time.  For this Christmas, I wish I could get one of those cards that's in the pic above.  GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.  I am so worried about whether or not I will have to go to jail on January 8, 2013, and then on top of that, if I have to go, I have no idea for how long I will be gone.  All I know is that my maximum sentence is up to five years.  Five years!!!  That's a long time to be away from my family and loved ones. 

What I have to keep reminding myself is that the only reason I may have to go to jail is because of a foolish mistake that I MYSELF made last year.  It's no one else's fault.  One bad choice can bring about serious consequences in one's life.  We would all be wise to take that to heart.  

So, basically, all I want for Christmas this year is a miracle.  I want God to give me a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card by having my judge grant me probation when I stand in front of him in January; however, I fully understand and accept the fact that being granted probation very well may not happen.  So, if I don't get granted probation, I would like for God to at least work things out so that I can stay in the local county jail instead of being sent to an actual prison.  On top of that and mostly, I pray that he fully prepares my family on emotional, mental, and financial levels to be OK while I am gone. 

The Lord is a God of no limits, so I am confident that he will have my situation worked out just as it should be.  Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

One of the greatest things that I have learned over the past year is that I never again have to be in the situation that I am in right now.   I never have to live the same lifestyle that I used to live because I am now serving a living God who died for my sins and who has redeemed me.  He gives me the power to overcome my past lifestyle.  He has literally set me free.  Even though I may have to go away behind bars, I have still been set free.  Praise be to the One and Only God!! I love you Jesus!!!


Sunday, December 9, 2012

God is Limitless



Both you and I will have struggles that we have to face in life, but if we turn to God for his strength, we will find that we can make it through even the toughest of times with a smile on our face.  Even through moments of grief and loss, we can still smile, knowing that God is doing good things. 

Last week at church, the pastor wanted to pray over my situation (the one about me possibly having to go to prison).  After church, I told him that I sometimes feel foolish for having my situation prayed over because there are other people who have much worse situations that need prayer, such as those people who are suffering from diseases, are homeless, suffering from addictions, or are grieving the loss of a loved one.  His reply to me was very comforting, and I firmly believe that it came directly from God.  He told me that God is limitless. 

I have always read in the bible that God is limitless, but I guess I never took into consideration what being limitless really meant.  Limitless means "to be without end, limit, or boundary."  God listens to all prayer requests and attends to them without limits. He cares just as much about your situations in life as he does mine, and he cares just as much about mine as he does yours. 

Never should we cease praying or asking for God's help about a situation simply because we think other peoples' prayers are more important.  If we serve the one and only Living God, we serve a God who is not limited in time, power, or strength. 

As I have said many times before, prayer is our most powerful resource that God has given to us.  Praise be to his name that it is also our most abundant. 

1 Thessalonians 5:17-18

17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

A Carat for Me Cause He Loves Me


I woke up this morning in a really bad mood.  I have a tendency to do this, but rarely as bad a mood as the one I awoke in today. 

Anyways, to fix a bad mood, for me, I always try to talk things over with Eddie.  So, I text my bf of seven years and asked him to come home and spend the day with me.  Being that it had rained, he was off work and he said he was more than willing to drive all the way from Louisville (over an hour away) to spend the day with me.  I am so blessed to have him within my life.  That man really will do anything for me.  He would drive all the way around the world to spend time with me.  He is so wonderful. 

Before he got here, he told me he wanted me to look something up on the Internet.  He gave me the web address and when I looked at it I was in awe.  He asked me if I liked what I saw, and if I did, he was going to buy it for me (which he did).  Well, you have probably already guessed that what he was asking me about is in the picture above...an engagement ring.  He said he wanted to surprise me, but most of all, he wanted to make sure that I liked the ring.  I ain't too much into surprises, and anyone that knows me knows that, so I'm not at all upset that he chose to go ahead and inform me that he wants to get engaged. 

The only catch is, this will be the second time we are engaged.  But I don't suppose that's really a catch.  The first time around things didn't really work out.  There were bad choices made on both of our parts, but through God's help, we have both been able to forgive each other for the poor decisions made, and most importantly, we have grown to love each other through our mistakes. 

I guess when I sit back and think about it I wouldn't change a thing.  Eddie and I are perfect the way we are.  We may not be perfect individuals, but together, we make a great couple, and we share a great life together!!  Our lives put together are a divine combination.  I can testify to that because I see proof of it everyday through our son. 

I hope and pray that each one of you who reads this posting gets to experience the kind of love with someone that Eddie and I share.  It truly is something special.  It's not everyday that something so wonderful and beautiful can be made out of something that was at one time such a mess.  Just always remember, if you have something that is a mess in your life, good things can come out of it.  Hand it over to God; he can create beauitful things out of the messiest things in life.

Monday, November 26, 2012

A Random Egg


How are things going for you?  I hope well.  Sorry I haven't posted in quite a while.  Well, actually I did, but then I deleted my last posting cause I thought it to be a little bit lot rude. 

Anywho, things around here are going good.  Great actually!!!  Anyone who keeps up with my postings knows that I have been long awaiting to find out if I have to go to prison.  Well, I plead guilty to my charges last week, but took a plea deal.  At the worst, it's looking like up to year in jail, but hopefully, with some mercy raining down from my beloved Lord Jesus, I will be granted probation.  Everyone seems to think that I am a great candidate for probation, but I'm always thinking the worse, so I'm preparing myself to do some time.  Anyways, I know God is walking beside me, holding my hand, and He is preparing me for whatever is to come my way.

On to other things.  Eddie, my sister, her BF, and I all went Black Friday shopping last week.  I had prepared myself for this day for quite some time, only to be disappointed that the day went nothing like I wanted it to.  I found myself being a very negative person.  Every time we purchased a gift for someone, I got in a bad mood cause I knew we were soon to be broke.  That's not a good gift-giving spirit is it?  I don't think so either.  The plan was to be broke by the time we got home, so I don't know why I got so mad about spending all the money we took with us.  Anywho, we are going again this weekend, only this time I am praying that God will help me to have a better attitude.  I sure better, or Eddie is sure to never go shopping with me again unless I make him.

We took my sister and her BF to Longhorn and enjoyed a really good meal.  When my sister's steak came out, it had a random egg on it.  It was weird, but we all laughed, and it was just what I needed to lighten my mood.  Funny how God works.  Sometimes all it takes is a random egg to make me feel better. 

Hope you have a wonderful day!!!! God bless!!!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

A Good Note for a Good Day


There is nothing wrong with wanting a little recognition every now and then.  Even my four year old thinks this way.  He came home today with the note that you can see in the pic above.  Obviously, he has been being good at school and wanted to be recognized for it. 

Sometimes, I wish there was someone to whom I could say, "Please write a good note for me today."  However, since there is not, I have to keep in mind that my good deeds and days of obedience are not going unrecognized.  One day I will be held accountable for my behavior, and even though I may not get a good note to hang on the refrigerator, come Judgment Day, my name being wrote in the Book of Life will be of much greater value.

Point of my posting is, even though good deeds go unrecognized sometimes, in the end, we will be rewarded for them.  For every day that we have a good day, God is jotting it down. He's keeping his own notebook.  I want his notebook on me to be full of notes like the one in the above pic.  How about you?

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Holy Moly

 

My son is so amazingly awesome.  Born at only 35 weeks and weighing in at only four pounds in July of 2008, he has been a fighter and tough little man from the day he entered this world.  He is so strong willed, exactly like his father, and has by far been the biggest blessing within my life, and I am ever-so-thankful for him.  He can be pretty funny too.  Below is a conversation he had with me the other day.  It tickles me every time I think about it.

Me: Holy crap.
My son: Holy sh*t.
Me: Lucas, where did you hear that at?!! Cause the only curse word you have heard out of mine or your daddy's mouth starts with a D.
My son: What was it? Shutup?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

God is Friekin' Hilarious



So, there is this woman that I have been praying for.  Every night for the past six months, I have been praying for her, her two daughters, and her unborn daughter.  I don't particularly care too much for this woman.  She has crossed me several times, threatening to 'whoop-my-you know'; however, in order to get past the stress that she has brought into my life, I thought it best to pray for her.  I knew that she was pregnant, and that her unborn child may have down syndrome, so I have been praying that her child would be born perfectly healthy. 

I don't even personally know this woman.  I have never even met her, but she obviously has a problem with me.  Anywho, today, I saw her at Walmart.  Low and behold, there she was with her beautifully newborn little girl.  At first, thoughts of rage popped into my mind.  I felt like walking up to this woman and saying, "Well, here I am.  Are you gonna whoop me now?"  But, then I thought to myself.  "Whitney, you have been praying every night for this woman, and here she is with her beautiful newborn daughter.  Obviously, God is showing you that He has been listening to you."

God works in such hilarious ways sometimes.  Not only did I find out that this woman was blowing smoke the whole time she was threatening me, but I also once again saw first-handledly that like always, God has been listening to my prayers.  I am so happy that I got to see that woman today.  All 4ft 10in of her (she was so tiny;).  And I am so glad to know that her child was born healthy. 

Friday, November 9, 2012

Thank God for Country Music

As I was driving to town today, I noticed that there are so many things about my life that have changed over the past year.  For one, I no longer listen to rap music.  At one time, Drake was one of my favorite singers, and I still adore his music, but I can't listen to it anymore.  Hearing his songs do something to me.  They bring back too many memories...memories that are not good.  In some ways, his music makes me wish I had my old lifestyle back, and anyone that knows me knows that my old lifestyle is not something that I need to go back to. 

I have done so much, through the grace of God, to get to where I am today.  I don't want something, such as a song, leading me back to the old ways that I used to live.  So, what do I do to overcome this little problem...turn on the radio to some good old country music.  Ah, country music.  That's where it's at.  I love country!!!  It is by far my favorite type of music.  It soothes me, makes me want to become a better person, and in no way does it make me want to go back to the way I used to live. 

Sometimes, when I hear certain country songs, I swear that they were wrote about Eddie and me.  Everything about our relationship is country.  From our sweet and bitter tears to our ever-comforting moments of laughter, in one way or another, I feel them and hear them when I listen to country music. 

Even though there are many things in my life that I have had to leave behind in my past, because that is where they belong, I don't have to leave behind music.  I will always have country music.  Thank God for country music!!!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Life is What it Is



We never know where life is gonna take us.  Four years ago, as you can see in the pic above, I was happy and so in love.  Too this day, I'm still happy and in love, but never in a million years did I think I would be facing prison time.  But, life is what it is.  And thankfully, I have a God who is walking beside me through both the good times and bad times. 

So much has changed over the past few years.  The person I have become is much better than the person I used to be, however, I had to take the rough road in order to become this new person.  On Sunday, I listened to a sermon about what it takes for a person's faith in God to be challenged.  God would so much rather us learn what He wants us to learn without having to challenge our faith, but if we continue to keep our ears and eyes not spiritually in tune with His ways, He will take us down whatever road it takes to get our attention.  Unfortunately, I am one of those people who has to learn just about everything the hard way. 

The main point though is that I am learning, and I am proud of the person I have become and am still becoming.  I love the people who God has placed in my life, and I am so thankful for the divine way that God works within my life. 

Even though I am facing the possibility of going to prison, God is strengthening me everyday to prepare me for the battles that I am to face.  I remain confident in the fact that God is the one and only god and that He has a purpose for my life, no matter where it takes me; in prison or out. 

I pray that each of you who reads my postings are blessed through and through by the grace of God.  Just always remember that He works in mysterious ways.  Just take my life for example.  God is dragging me through waters that would drown many people, but through His strength, He is showing me that all is possible. 

 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Dinner and a Movie


Well, Eddie and I made it to Louisville plus one; our little Lucas.  At first, our plans were to spend the day together alone, but then we thought it best to let our little one tag alone, especially since Eddie is leaving in the morning to go away for over a month. 

Anywho, we went to Chili's, and the food was excellent.  At least it was for me.  As you can see in the pic above, my salad was wonderfully laid out on my plate, and it tasted even better than it looked.  As for Lucas' and Eddie's food, they can't testify to its greatness.  Eddie's ribs were a bit dry, and Lucas' steak was, well, let's just say I've had better.

After dinner, we went and saw Wreck It Ralph in 3D.  It was a cute movie.  Eddie really enjoyed it because it was the first movie he has ever seen in 3D.  All three of us almost fell asleep in it, but I think that was due to the fact that our stomachs were so full from the dinner we had just scarfed down.

I am very saddened that Eddie will be leaving tomorrow, but I know it's for the best.  Anyways, a month ain't nothing, especially when compared to the two and half years we had to spend apart not too long ago.  A month will fly by, and then he will be back home right where he belongs.  Already, I'm patiently waiting until that day gets here.

I hope each of you have had a great weekend!!!  Thanks for taking your time to read my posting, and never forget, we owe a big thanks to God for the fact that we are alive and breathing.  Thank you Jesus!!!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Still Goin' Good Around Here


Several great things have happened lately including my sister becoming even more of an extremely talented basketball player than she has been before.  She played in a game last night and scored 25 of the 30 points that her entire team scored.  Over 10 of those points, she scored in less than four minutes.  I truly do believe God has huge plans for  her when it comes to the sport of basketball.  I mean that girl can just flat out play some ball.  I love you sis!!!!  Keep on doing what you're doing, cause it's working.

Moving on, my good news is too good to release to the public just yet, but you can probably already figure out what it is.  Go ahead.  Take a guess.  I'll let you know if you are right when the right time is right.

Furthermore, another great thing that happened is Eddie will be heading out Monday to do some work in Baton Rouge.  While I will miss him during the month that he will be gone, the money that he is gonna make will certainly help out during Christmas time.  I know everything isn't about money, but I really want this Christmas to be a present-heavy one for Lucas because it is the first one in three years that he, his dad, and I will be spending all together.  Once again, I am well aware that spoiling a kid with presents at Christmas is not what Christmas is all about, but I sure know my Christmas' were more memorable the more presents I got. 

As for this weekend, it's looking like Eddie and I may hit up the IMAX.  We are leaving out very early tomorrow morning to visit the big city of Louisville.  I'm not too fond of Louisville, but Eddie knows his way around and I feel OK going with him.  For me, there are just way tooooo many people in Louisville (remember, I'm not a big people person ;).  Anyways, I'm sure we will have a good time.  We may even get some of our Christmas shopping out of the way.  We are also going to eat at Chili's which is a place I have always longed to eat at.  I love me some spicy food.

God is so good to me.  Even during troublesome times, He continues to shower me with blessings, as well as strength and patience to get me through my difficult days, especially the ones that have occurred over the past year.  All glory and praise to Him!!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Another Great Week


This past weekend was awesome.  The cold weather and wind cut off Eddie's plans of taking me golfing, but the weather sure didn't affect the softball tournament that took place at the city park.  Eddie played, I didn't.  I haven't played in about three years, but hopefully next year, my butt will be back out on the field.  I truly do miss playing. 

Other than that, on Friday we attended an anniversary-thing for my grandparents who marked 50 years of being with one another.  Congrats to them!!!!

On Sunday, God blessed me with a wonderful church sermon preached by a special preacher.  I think I may have found my new church home.  Finding a home-church has been something that I have been praying about, and I think my prayers have been answered.  It's amazing how God always answers prayers.  Every single time, on His timetable, prayers get answered. 

Lastly, one of my favorite parts of the weekend was watching my son play in the leaves.  Him and his multitude of second-cousins would cover each other up with a pile of leaves and then jump out of them.  They remind me of myself and my first-cousins when we were little. 

All in all, last week was great.  Thank you God!!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Halloween Imagination


My son is very smart and creative.  I am so blessed to have him in my life.  He makes me smile during the roughest of times, and more importantly, he points out the smallest of things to me. 

I love you Lucas, with all of my heart.  You will always be mommy's baby boy.  Thanks for pointing out the milk-pumpkin on the kitchen table tonight when you were having your snack. 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I Hate Havin' Cravings


I hate it when I have cravings for bad, old habits.  There is no way in this world that I want or desire to go back to the way that I used to live, but some days, like today, my twisted mind tries to persuade me into thinking that my former way of living was not all that bad.  Trust me, it was. 

It was like being locked up in a prison of one's own mind.  Every move that I made somehow revolved around me getting what I wanted which tended to be something not-so-good-for-me.  By the the time I realized I was running down a road leading straight to hell, the ability to break free from my patterns of destruction was almost impossible, however, through God's grace, I quickly learned anything is possible.

There were so many days in my past that I would cry out wanting to change my ways, but my habits and addictions had a tight grip on me.  I am so happy that I was able to break free from such a self-inflicted, painful past. 

Anyways, today has been one of those days when the cravings hit me hard.  I thought I would write about it so that all of you out there who struggle with recovering from old habits and addictions can find hope in the fact that it is possible to stay clean.  I'm doing it.  And I was about as far gone as they come.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Bringing Good Out of Bad


Today was one of those days.  I woke up nervous, anxious, and a tad bit excited.  I had to make a court appearance, which by the way went well I think.  I don't have to go back for a couple months, so at least God is blessing me with the ability to spend Christmas with my family. 

God truly is showing me the meaning of Romans 8:28 and proving to me just how graciously He can bring good out of bad situations within my life.  I am so thankful that some of the crazy mistakes I made towards the beginning of this year are now turning into things in which I am being shown how blessed I am within this life. 

The only stressful part of today was when some moments from my past tried to creep their way back into my present life, however, through the strength that my God has given me, the ability to bite my tongue and clear my past memories from my mind were easily accomplished.  Some things in life, as well as people, never change...nor do they have the desire to.  I can only pray that they discover what life is all about. 

I hope your day was as good as mine, and I hope tomorrow is even better.  I'm looking forward to this weekend.  I might go golfing for a bit; that should be interesting because I haven't picked up a club in what seems like ages.  If you are thinking about going to the movies, consider seeing Here Comes the Boom.  I saw it this past weekend, and it was a great movie. 

Hope you have a great week, and remember, life is what you make of it.  If you want it to be good, hand it over to God above, and I promise, He will make it better than you ever thought possible. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Dealing with Worry


When I think about the future, I often become overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.  I constantly have to remind myself that no matter how the future pans out, God is going to be there with me every step of the way.  More importantly, He is here with me at this very moment.  The mountains that I foresee looming ahead of me may not even be there.  Many of them are probably just figments of my imagination.  And for the ones that really are there, He is going to help me climb them.  Some of them, He may even destroy so that I don't have to climb them at all. 

There are some very encouraging scriptures (that I found at Bible Cafe for Women) that apply to worrying, and I thought it would be helpful to you and myself both to share them.  I have come to discover that reading these scriptures over and over, and truly believing them, is the best way to overcome worry.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34 NIV

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  Phil 4:13 NIV

But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. Luke 21:14 NIV

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31 NIV

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings Psalm 17:8 NIV

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22 NIV

I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken..  Psalm16:8 NIV

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  Psalm 62:6 NIV

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:25-27 NIV

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I Broke My Toe, Again!


Well, I did it again.  I broke my pinky toe.  I first broke it when I believe I was about 12 years old.  I was going down a tunnel waterslide at Holiday World only to find that a kid was stuck in it.  My foot rammed into his back so hard that it broke my toe.  I couldn't walk for almost two weeks. 

This time, I broke it on my mom's exercise bike.  Sad thing is, I wasn't exercising.  I was simply trying to walk around it.  Early yesterday morning, I was walking through her room, and then, BAM...my toe hit her bike.  I immediately knew I had probably broke it.  It doesn't hurt today near as bad as it did yesterday, but as you can see in the pic above, it is turning into a nasty looking little toe. 

Why wasn't I more careful?  Why did I have to turn something so simple as walking through a room into something that caused my poor little toe to break again?  Lol.   That's the typical me.  Always turning simple tasks into something that brings about pain. 

Moral of my posting is take time to do the little things.  If you don't do them right, this can lead to painful circumstances.  Even the simplest things, such as walking, must be accomplished with caution. 

Sunday, October 7, 2012

I Answered All of Them

 
 
1) Whitney Leigh White             23) my son
2) 26/Aries                                  24) good and getting better
3) Writer                                     25) Christmas
4) the first one                            26) don't have one
5) don't have one                        27) enjoying freedom, writing, spending time with my loved ones
6) don't have one                        28) I like sleep more than I should
7) P.S. I Love You                     29) tiny dogs
8) The Bible                               30) don't have any
9) Good Luck Charlie                31) not knowing if I have to go to prison
10) don't have one                      32) my son and his father
11) Matthew McConaughey      33) reading the bible and chewing my fingernails
12) reading, surfing the web      34) hotfries and hot wings
13) writing and playing piano    35) Josh Hartnett
14) make it through to heaven   36) three
15) science/math                        37) ???
16) my mom and Eddie             38) my man--tall, dark, handsome, country
17) Creepin                                39) forever taken
18) American Honey                 40) a home with my son and Eddie
19) buying a car                         41) content and loved
20) Disney music but I love it   42) going to prison, be separated from my son
21) falling out of a tree house   43) wildflowers, storms, going out to eat, good music
22) Eddie
 


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Cure Anxiety with Mexican Food


Today turned out to be a really good day.  At first, I didn't know how well it was gonna go because I was overwhelmed with anxiety.  My son got invited to a birthday party for a boy who is in his pre-school class, and being that he is only four years old, his father and I thought it best that we stay with him instead of leaving him with complete strangers that we do not know. 

So, why does this type of situation make me anxious?  Well, I am not a people person.  Social situations often make me freak out.  All week I had been trying to prepare myself for this 5 year old's birthday party, but yet when today got here, I got to the point where I was almost throwing up.  I thought to myself, "Whitney, get it together.  Your 'lil boy wants to go to his friend's party, so you are gonna have to suck it up and do your best to get through it." 

Finally, after sleeping half the day away cause I felt like my stomach was literally being tied into a knot, I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for the party.  At the last minute, my little brother who is only a year older than my son decided he wanted to go to the party.  So, there we were.  Two little ones, my son's father, and I all on our way to this party that I was so nervous about attending.  We get to the city park where the party is supposed to be taking place, and immediately I notice something is missing.  There are no pirate balloons.  The invitation said to be on the lookout for pirate balloons, but there were none in sight. 

How could this happen?   This party that I had become so anxious about attending was not even taking place.  Turns out, a dip in the day's temperature caused the party to be moved to the little boy's grandmother's house.  The little boy's mom was unable to reach me and was not able to tell me about the relocation.  I felt so sorry for my son and my little brother that they were going to miss out on the party, but in my head my thoughts were doing joyous flips :)   What's even better is that since we missed out on the party, my son's father decided he wanted to take us all out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant.  I love Mexican food!!

What happened today reminded me that there are so many things in life that I get anxious about for no reason.  So many mole hills that I turn into mountains.  I really need to reevaluate the things that I get anxious about.  I mean, even if the birthday party had been going on, I'm sure everything would have went great, and that my son's father and I would have probably met some really nice people.  And as for all the other issues that I get anxious about, I need to constantly remind myself that they are only temporary, and the odds are, they are probably much smaller problems than I turn them out to be. 

So, the point of today's posting is 'don't waste your time being anxious...go do whatever you got to do and then go eat Mexican' ;)

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Sometimes I Don't Know What to Write About

Sometimes I don't know what to write about. During these past two weeks, my inspiration to write has not really been there. It's not that I am getting to a point where I don't like writing. It's just that nothing too exciting has really happened; however, for that I am thankful. I am perfectly content with no surprises. No emotional turn-abouts. No drama. And definitely no run ins with the legal system. I just wish my mind would spark back up and provide me with some good ideas and topics to write about.

As for tonight, when trying to decide what I want to write about, the only thought that has dawned on me is to write about how my troubles over the past few months have left a positive impact on my life. See, I have learned that no matter how bad life gets, good can come out of troublesome times. Positive aspects exist in every situation, but we can only see them if we have our eyes open.

My life seems kinda screwed up right now. It is only by God's grace that I am not sitting behind bars because I am out on bond. I have a curfew that I have to abide by which makes it impossible to go out of town at night. And there are especially no out of state trips going on for me. At one time in my life, abiding by a curfew would have been something that I would not have done. I would have lived life on the edge and risked being put in jail just so I could fulfill my selfish desires; however, I am not that person anymore. God has taken my troubles and changed me through them. Literally, I am a completely new and better person than I used to be.

Even after I had my son four years ago, I continued to make selfish choices, but now I do my best to put others first. I guess the best thing that has come about from my troubles is that I am a better mother. I spend more quality time with my son, and I do a much better job at attending to my motherly responsibilities.

Another positive thing that has come about is that I am being provided a tremendous amount of time to spend with my family. Being on a curfew and living at my parent's home really means I'm putting in the hours with my family. And it's been a really good time spending these past few months with them.

Lastly, my personal time spent with God has increased a hundred fold compared to what it used to be. I really take my time now seeking His will for my life. I understand that He has sovereignly allowed my troublesome times to occur in my life, and that there is some purpose behind what is going on. I'm doing my best to understand what it is that He wants me to learn.

My life is so less hectic than it used to be. So much more peaceful. I never would have thought that I could be a person who finds peace in life even when facing up to 20 years in prison, but through
God's grace, He has allowed me to come to terms with the fact that I am not in control of life. He is. I hate the thought of having to go away from my family, especially my dear, precious son, but if God allows it to happen, then I know that He is using me to accomplish some purpose of His. More importantly, I know that He does not actually need me to accomplish His purposes; but, through His mercy, He is choosing to use me because He loves me.

Whether I have to go away or not, is up to Him. If He chooses to not use me behind bars, then I know that there is some purpose He wants me to fulfill out here in the world.   More importantly, I also keep in mind that there is some purpose He is accomplishing through me at this very moment. 

Just remember, no matter where you go, God is always there, and He always has some purpose that He is accomplishing.  No matter the troubles and trials that you are facing, God is using them for a good purpose. Let Him have His way with you. For many years I resisted the fact that He is ever so present in my life, and that got me nowhere except facing a long time in prison. Don't be like me. Accept Him for who He is. He is everything. He is God.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

This Past Week Was Good


This past week was really good.  Mom and dad and the siblings went to Walt Disney World.  They had an awesome time, but they did mention that it was much hotter this time than it has been in the years past.  I would have went and took my lil one but my legal troubles forbid me from being out past 6pm; however, the good 'ole Honeyfest was going on in the nearby town of Clarkson.  We took Lucas, and he had a blast.  He played a fishing game, and after winning he was told he could pick out any prize he wanted...he ended up choosing one of the toy guns.  Lol, I wanted him to pick out one of the large stuffed animals, but he wasn't gonna let that happen.  It was too bad mom and dad couldn't be here to watch him ride rides, but they did get to watch him at the county fair this year. 

All in all, it was a really great week.  The family flew back in today, and so now the home front is back to being loud and hectic, but that's the way I prefer it.  One of the best things that has come about out of my legal troubles is that it has caused me to slow down and savor the good things in life...like being around and with my family.  God has blessed me tremendously with a loving family, and for that I am forever grateful.

I feel like the past couple of weeks have been a really mellow point in my life.  There hasn't been any drama, nor any high points.  It's been kind of peaceful.  God is really teaching me patience as well as thankfulness.  Just a couple of months ago my legal troubles constantly kept me on edge.  Kept me awake at nights.  Now, through God's grace and help, I am learning to release every struggle, anxious thought, and concern of mine into His hands.  I can't control how my legal troubles will be resolved.  Only He can.  Now that I'm learning He is control, it is allowing me to let go of my battles and enjoy life.  I am slowly learning that my battles are not mine...they are His. 

Not only have I released my legal matters into His hands, but many of my other concerns as well; these include financial issues, relationship matters, and much more.  The more I let go of them, the more He shows me that I am on the right track and that He is in control and taking care of everything. 

Thank you God for constantly showing me you are in control. 
Thank you family for being the best family I could ever have.
Thank you Eddie for loving me.
Thank you Lucas for being such a wonderful son.
Thanks to each of you who take your time to read my postings...God bless you!!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Summer to Fall: The Seasons of Life are Always Changing


After a restless night of sleep, today turned out to be probably the most beautiful day of the year so far.  There was a crisp breeze in the air that reminded me we are yet again fixing to enter into a new season of the year.  I love this time of year when a changing of seasons takes place.  If you haven't taken a look at my posting titled My Changing of Seasons, you should definitely give it a read. 

All of us are always going through a changing of seasons within our own lives.  These changes can be felt to a great degree when we allow ourselves to take them in.  Sometimes, we may not want to open ourselves up to them because it may appear that changing from one season into another is a tiresome and exhausting task; however, we should always remember every season brings forth opportunities of growth.  Even the seasons that we dread entering into, good can come out of them. 

Not all seasons in our life are we going to look forward to.  Some people don't look forward to Fall and Winter, just the same as some people dread Spring and Summer; however, each season has its own advantages.  By successfully making it through each season, the ones that follow become that much more sweeter. 

If you are entering into a season of your life that you're not looking forward to, take time to identify the things in your life that you are thankful for.  In doing so, your fear and anxiety tied to the future will quickly fade.  Thankfulness can wipe away your worries of defeat.  If you are entering into a season in which you have for a long time been anticipating, take time to thank God for the season he is blessing you with. 

I was reading Joshua earlier today and what I have gathered so far out of this amazing book is that God can help us become victorious over any struggles that we may be facing in our life.  Every season in our life will present its own troubles, but God can help us joyously overcome them.  This book also pointed out that we are most vulnerable to be defeated after a victory has been obtained.  We would be wise to take these words to heart just like every other word written in the bible. 

Through God we can reach victory.  But, victory is many times followed by defeat because we often times forget who the victory was achieved through.  Everything we have we owe thanks to Jesus for.  Every season is presented to us only by his grace. 

Monday, September 17, 2012

Callin' Names is not Nice



Calling people names really isn't nice, especially if a person is not confident in the person that he or she is.  Take for example, if someone calls a person a 'cheatin meth whore,' this can lead to devastation in that person's life if he or she begins to delve on the past and begins considering that maybe the label really does apply.

However, as long as a person views him or herself through the eyes of God, then it is clear to conclude that the label does not fit.  Maybe a person at one time or another made some poor choices in the past, but the past is the past, it need not stick around during the present or future.

So, keeping all the above said in mind, people should understand that calling names is simply immature, and if spoken to a person who has not came to grasp with the fact that he or she is a prince or princess in the eyes of God, calling names can in fact lead to a person developing a poor self-image about one's self.

We would all be wise to remember that each of us has a past.  Most of these pasts are full of regretted choices, guilt, and shame, but they do not have to dictate who we are today.  Our present time here on this earth does not have to be labeled with mistakes we made years ago, weeks ago, or even yesterday.

And to those of you who can't bite your tongue and feel the need to relinquish immature thoughts on others, just know that you are no better than anyone else.  In fact, you are no better and no less.  You are simply who you make yourself out to be.  Don't make yourself out to be some immature dude who can only feel better about yourself by calling other people names.  Understand that you are loved by many people in this world including the Almighty God and me.  You don't have to bring other people down in order for you to feel good on the inside.  You yourself have many great qualities in you that you should focus on.   All people have good qualities inside of them.  Don't cover them up with negative ones.  Don't make people forget the good side of you by opening your mouth and calling someone a name.  You are too good to act like that.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

A Godly Princess


During my younger years, I was just like many other girls who had been raised in America.  I was provided an education from public schools, and I was told "Whitney, you can become whatever you want to be."  I believed it.  I honestly believed I could go as far in life as I wanted.  Not only did I place confidence in this statement because I was being told it by my parents, but my academics reflected the necessary qualifications that becoming whatever I wanted was indeed a great possibility. 

I grew up receiving what I consider a 'perfect childhood.'  I never heard my parents yell at one another.  Money was at times an issue, but not for long.  By the time I was seven my father began creating for himself a home-building business in which he used to completely rid my family of any debt they were in.  Still to this day, my family has no debt.  My father has lived his life sticking to his morals, values, and beliefs, which include never being in debt with anyone. 

Also, during my childhood, I was fully supported by my parents in whatever endeavors I wanted to go on.  From sports to playing piano to traveling the United States, my parents were always by my side to cheer me on.  I was in fact, an Amercian little princess in their eyes. 

By the time I was 13, I had decided what I wanted to do in life.  I wanted to be an accountant, and my math skills proved to myself and my family that I had what it would take to excel in any type of accounting career that I chose to follow.  With time, effort, patience, and guidance from God, I could become whatever I wanted to be.  I could become the CEO of a company.  I could build my own business from the ground up.  I could even be a stay-at-home mother if I chose and work out of a home office.  In reality, anything I wanted was attainable.

But, my dreams were crushed.  Completely shattered.  The little princess who had her eyes focused on the things that mattered in life such as God, family, school, etc., quickly learned at a young age that she suffered from a drug addiction.  My ability to maintain focus on God, my family, and other important things deteriorated.  For 13 years, my attention span became no larger than being able to think about how I was going to get my next high, and this didn't require much thought, as I always found it simple to manipulate people into supplying me with the drugs I thought I needed. 

Now, as a woman who has reached 26 years of age, I sit here bewildered.  I find it so hard to believe that I used to live my life the way I did.  I also find it so overwhelming that God loves me so much that he chose to keep me safe all those years.  Not only me, but also my four year old son, as well as his father who also suffered from a drug addiction. 

Who am I that God has chosen to take such a broken life, full of shame, guilt, and shattered dreams, and rebuild it into something that is of worth value to him?  It's most definitely not because of something I have done.  It's simply because he loves me. 

For the rest of my life, I will be recovering from my past.  I will be recovering from a drug addiction that took me down some of the darkest roads imaginable.  It is a slow process, but one definitely worth the end result, which is heaven. 

No matter what we do in life, no matter how shattered our dreams may become, we still have God.  He is always patiently waiting for us to turn back to him.  He is ready to help us.  Just take me for example; he took an 'American princess turned junkie' and transformed me into his little princess.  A godly princess. 





Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Keep Your Mouth Shut

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)

We humans often feel compelled to talk.  To talk a little bit more.  Followed by more talking.  In many situations, this only leads to disaster.  Saying the wrong thing can hurt people.  Asking the wrong questions can hurt people as well.

We would all be wise to take into consideration the words that we speak to one another.  Most likely, there are people in our life that we could go without talking to.  If so, then stop speaking to them.  If talking to a certain person only reveals emotions and feelings that are not healthy, stop speaking with that person.  Texting and emailing apply as well. 

If we really think about it, there are probably only a few choice people in our life that we HAVE to talk to.  Now, I'm not saying that it is ok to be rude and ignore people who try to have a conversation with us, but we don't have to delve out to them every detail of our life when answering a question.  In fact, most questions can be answered with a simple yes or no. 

We, and this applies just as much to me as it does everyone else, need to realize that too much talk leads to sin.  Keeping our mouths shut, as well as keeping our fingers idle instead of typing away at texting and instant messaging, very well may help us lead more sensible lives. 

If you are anything like me, you could use a little more sense in your life.  One of the best ways to do this is to stop talking, texting, and emailing so much.  Have a great day!!!

P.S. And if you feel you must talk, try talking to the man above.  And then keep your mouth shut so you can hear what he has to say.  That's just a tip I thought I would throw in. 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Looking in the Wrong Direction


In the picture above, neither my son nor I are looking towards the camera.  I often find in my life that I am not looking in the right direction.  While the picture did turn out quite nicely I think, most of the time in life, when we don't look in the right direction, this only leads us to disaster. 

I have looked in every direction there is.  North. South. East. West. Men. Drugs. Money...ect., and every one of these directions eventually led to me holding my head down.  I always ended up holding my head down because I was overcome with shame and guilt.

There is only one direction we need to look towards.  And that is towards God.  Thankfully, he is all around us, so no matter what path we find ourselves traveling down, we can still find him.  We can look whatever way we want, and he will always be there. 

A life full of mistakes will readily keep a person looking down.  At least it has for me.  I am so thankful for God's forgiveness.  No matter how we hurt others or ourselves, by looking towards him, he will wipe away years of guilt, shame, and tears.  He will at times gently help us hold our head back up high.  And in some circumstances, like the one I went through not too long ago, he goes beyond being gentle and in a positive yet aggressive manner turns our heads and eyes towards him. 

We should all take the time to evaluate how God holds our lives together.  How he takes our mistakes and turns them into doorways leading to success for those of us that love him.  Failures are our greatest moments in life in which we can learn something; this is something that should never be forgotten.  We should rejoice while swimming through darkness, because if we have our eyes spiritually tuned, we will always see the light.  And everyone knows light shines the brightest in the dark.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Life is about Learning Instructions


I have never climbed a mountain.  To be quite honest, I have never partaken in any type of extreme physical endeavor.  At one time, back in my youth, I was quite athletic, but nowadays, physical adventurers are something that I would have to carefully prepare for. 

I guess that's what I'm doing right now.  Preparing for the mountains in my life that I am gonna have to climb.  At least that's all I can comprehend out of the situations in which God has placed me.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  In fact, I'm quite satisfied with how my life is going.  The conditioning that I am going through is not as rough as I thought it would be, but that is only because I am fully giving my life to someone else.  To God. 

No matter the paths that he leads me down, I know that he is preparing me for them at this very moment.  Right now as I type these words, think these thoughts, he is preparing me. 

There are certain people in my life, as well as those who are no longer in my life, that have blessed me beyond measure.  To each of you, know that you are deeply loved and I am forever and a day grateful for the things I have learned from you as well as what I am still learning. 

When people enter into our lives, we never know how our paths with  them will end.  And sometimes, every once in awhile, we are blessed to continue down a path with someone that lasts for much longer than we ever expected. 

No matter how our paths end or continue on, it is pertinent that we make sure God is leading us down them.  If not, we end up climbing mountains with no preparation at all.  We also end up climbing many mountains that were never meant to seen, much less climbed. 

Proper instruction and teachings come from the man above.  He can prepare us for any type of obstacle or mountain that we face in life.  And, if we keep our ears and eyes spiritually tuned, we will see he has placed many blessings along our paths of preparation as well as in our climbs. 

Learn from his instructions.  Learn from his teachings.  Learn from his love.  Learn that it is not sacrifice that he desires.  It is mercy.  It is love.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Mr. Green Lifted My Spirit


Mr. Green, a man that I do not know personally, lifted my spirits today.  He took time out of his day to read one of my postings.  He also let me know that I was in his thoughts and prayers.  I think people often take for granted the power of prayer.  Many times in my life, I have also taken for granted the power of prayer. 

Prayer has the ability to change things.  Through prayer, God hears our requests and concerns.  He takes his time to listen to our thoughts.  He does not forsake us.  God enjoys the fact that some of us think so highly of him to bring the details of our life to him.

 I think more highly of God than I do of anything or anyone in this life, but I did not always live my life in such a manner that people would have thought I viewed him so highly.  In fact, at one time, I ignored God.  But, because he loves me, he has chosen to construct my life's journey in a way that I can no longer ignore how mighty he is.  I have been brought to a point in life in which I can clearly see that he holds the world and everything in it together.  I am powerless without him, but through him, I have much power that cannot be explained by words.

There is a certain situation in my life that constantly tries to pull my attention away from God's mighty power in my life.  This situation is in fact the one that involves my legal troubles.  See, for some time now I have been waiting to see if I have to go to prison or not.  I have no idea how this circumstance is going to be resolved.  I may have to go away for weeks, months, years, or possibly, through a miracle given to me by God, maybe not at all. 

This situation constantly brings worry into my life as well as anxious thoughts.  A million times a day, I have pray and redirect my thoughts back towards God and say, "I trust you Jesus."  He parted the Red Sea.  He healed many a sick people.  He arose from the grave.  Trusting in him gives me much comfort that my situation can be resolved in a fair and just manner. 

There are no situations in life that are too hard for him to handle.  No sins that he cannot forgive.  Trusting in him is very liberating, and it is also an act and step of faith that I have to make a million times a day. 

Thank you God for getting me to a point in life in which I see that you are the One in control. 
Thank you Mr. Green for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you for the uplift.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Well, it's Friday


Well, it's Friday.  Time to kick off the work boots (not that I wear any ;) This week has been a pretty good one for me.  I have spent much time working, making money right here from the comfort of my kitchen chair.  My son has behaved pretty well, but of course to me he's always an angel :)  And lastly, the family has gotten along quite well.

Not all my weeks go as well as this one has.  I have to constantly remind myself of the good things in my life, or if I'm not careful, my weeks become consumed with worry, anxiety, and a lot of meaningless thoughts. 

I am so happy to be where I am at today.  Here at home.  I'm not real for sure how long God is going to bless me with being able to stay home, but hopefully it's on a permanent basis.  If not, then I fully trust him that he is preparing me for whatever journey he wants me to travel. 

Anyways, that's enough about my week.  I hope and pray that each of you have had a great week as well.  If not, then always know you can turn your troubles over to someone who is much more capable than yourself at handling them.  He's the man above.  He's the man all around us.  He's God.  He's my best friend.  His name is Jesus.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Sorting Through the Past





For those of you who regularly read my writings, I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  A lot has happened over the past few weeks, including some emotional turn-abouts, but on the other hand, a few positive changes have occurred as well. 

I'm still awaiting to find out if I have to go to prison or not.   I'm praying deeply about this matter, hoping, trusting, and believing that God is working out an outcome that will be to the benefit of my son's best interest.

My family and I are getting along quite well these days.  I have been praying deeply about this matter too.  See, there are six of us living in our home.   Three adults including myself, a teenager, and two kiddos who have just started school.  Sometimes it gets hectic around here, but things are improving.

My son's father was released on parole about two weeks ago.  It has been a joy having him around.  Some people don't think I should spend time with him, but just as everything else, I am leaving the matter in God's hands.  He knows what's best for me.  So far, so good. 

There are some things in my past I find hard to let go of, but I know it's best if I do.  So, as for right now, that's what I'm trying to do.  Sort out my past from my present, so that my future will be as bright as possible. 

I hope anyone who reads this understands that sorting out the past from the present can be somewhat difficult, but it must be done.  It must be done so that a future can be secured.  Also, the only way to secure a positive future is to let God do it for you.  I'm letting him do it for me, and so far, just as He promised, everything is working out.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I Know a Man Who Loves Me


I know a man who loves me. 
He loves me more than any other man ever has. 
He holds my hand and helps me through the worst of times. 
He continually showers blessings upon me, and helps me see why life is worth living. 
For a long time, too long, him and I were separated, due to my own ignorance. 
But now he is here with me, and I'm realizing that he never left me. 
I left him. 
He forgives me of all my wrongs and mistakes.
He forgives me of the sins that I find hard to forgive myself for. 
He is the strongest and kindest man I have ever known. 
As I look up to him, he guides my steps. 
I am his and he is mine. 
His name is Jesus.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Choices and Something Better


We all go through life making decisions.  Everyday we make thousands of choices.  Some of them we are aware of, and some of them we make without even noticing.  Some of them we sit and contemplate and do our best to make the best ones possible.  Others we make and only afterwards are we left with the opportunity to contemplate whether they were the right ones to make.

Many times, we are also effected by the choices of others.  Either way, the choices that we make as well as those made by other people always either positively or negatively impact our lives.  I have noticed lately that no matter how meaningless some choices may seem, that even the small ones should be contemplated upon.  Small choices often lead to larger ones having to be made.  Ones that have more significance.  Ones that impact our lives on a large level. 

Choices should never be made out of anger or be made when we are upset or hurt.  When we make choices during these types of situations, we are not making them rationally, nor do we tend to make the ones we prefer we would have.  Even if a circumstance arises in which we think that a choice needs to be made instantaneously, chances are, the choice can wait.  It can wait for some time to pass by so that a rational choice can be made. 

One of the most advantageous things a person can do in life is realize that choices are what we make of them.  Even in rough circumstances, choices are our liberation.  That define who we are.  What we are.  And where we are going in life.  They give us the opportunity to decide for ourselves how our lives are to be. 

It is also beneficial for us to remember that bad choices will be made at one time or another, or if you are anything like me, sometimes they will be made quite frequently.  But even amidst a sea of bad choices, good possibilities can arise.  And it is our responsibility and choice to take the initiative to realize that good can come from bad.  No matter how many bad choices we make, opportunities to make good choices always make themselves present.  One bad choice does not always have to lead to another bad choice being made.  One good choice does not always mean that another good one will follow, but the more good choices we make, the better habit we will form at making them. 

Good choices.  Bad choices.  We all make both of them.  Let's try to do better at making better ones.  Even the good choices we make, we can make them better.  So instead of focusing on making good choices, simply focus on making better ones.  Making good choices doesn't always mean we will lead a good life.  In fact, some people that make good choices get taken advantage of and lead a life of suffering.  But, if we all strive to make better choices, only thing that can happen is we all live better lives.  Might not necessarily mean a good life, but a better one than we are currently living.  That's what I'm going for.  Something better.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Going Up and Down and Around Mountains



We should always do our best to take one step at a time when it comes to getting though this life on earth.  In fact, this is all that God requires of us.  Through each step, he guides our motions and directs us where to go. 

We often see large mountains looming before us, and we become fearful as to how we can ever reach the top of them.  And even when we do reach the top, we once again become fearful as to how we are supposed to scale ourselves back down.  Due to this fear that we build up, we do not look at where we are currently at in our life, and it becomes very easy for us to stumble even when walking down an easy pathway. 

We must remember that God is always here to help us as we stumble.  As he helps us, we should do our best not to worry about the mountains ahead.  We don't know what is going to happen today, much less tomorrow.  Tomorrow or even today, our path may take such an abrupt turn that we no longer have to face the mountains ahead of us.  When this occurs, we quickly realize all of our worrying was for nothing, and even if we do have to climb a mountain, worrying does not make the process any simpler. 

If we keep our eyes open to what God is doing, we can find hope in that he often makes out an easy pathway for us to make it up the mountains that we must climb.  Anytime God makes us climb a mountain, we can rest assured that he will provide us with the strength to make it not only up one side but down the other side as well, and many times, he provides us with enough strength that there is some to spare once the endeavor is over with. 

We should always do our best to keep our mind on the present journey we are on.  Not the ones that we believe we will be going on in the future.  If we focus on the present, we gain the ability to accept the wonderful gifts God is currently blessing us with. 

The above thoughts are my paraphrasing of Sarah Young's Jesus Calling--Feb. 1.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Fools Believe in Fate


The word fate by definition is something that unavoidably befalls upon a person. Something that cannot in any manner, fashion or form be prevented from taking place. To believe in fate, one would have to believe that God (higher power) is not in control and that He does not have the power to change unavoidable circumstances that at times take place in our life.

There are too many circumstances in my life that have only been avoided due to the grace of God, so no I do not believe in fate. My fate has been replaced by unconditional love…which can transform the unknown, the past, present, and future. It can transform a life…it can avoid the unavoidable.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

We're Both Living



I haven't posted anything over the past several days.  I don't really have a reason for not posting.  I just haven't felt like it to be quite honest.  It's been a stressful week for me, but nothing worth complaining about.  I know that others in this world have far more stress than I have and for far better reasons. 

My stress in only related to my own poor choices.  I know there are people out there who have sick children in a hospital.  These people have far more better reasons than I do to be stressed out and exhausted.  Yet, sometimes I still feel like giving up, but the good thing is that I don't.  I still press on. 

I try everyday to focus on the good in life.  Life isn't about getting to go to the County Fair.  Not about getting to go for a ride on a bike.  Not about getting to spend every waking moment just as we please.  It's about being with our loved ones.  It's about watching small children finally reach 40 inches in height.  It's about getting to a point in life in which we can be thankful for things even when we are suffering. 

There are so many freedoms that I have lost lately.  I can't do this and I can't do that.  But, what I can do is watch my son grow into a young man.  Watch my younger brother and sister come home from school everyday.  Watch my mother and father show me how to properly fill the role of both mother and father within my own son's life. 

If you have lost something lately, don't forget that there is still much that you do have.  For starters, you have life.  And life is all about living.  That's what you and I are both doing.  We're living.  So life can't be all that bad, right?  Also, just remember...it could be much worse!

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Reality is Weird



Today is a milestone for me.  A milestone that I didn't even know I was pressing toward.  In fact, I didn't realize that today is what it is until I awoke this morning and did some quick calculations in my head.  Anywho, yay for me!!

I used to make bad choices.  Choices that were selfish and self-indulgent.  Choices that didn't give a crap about anyone but making myself happy.  Choices that have costs me everything, including personal belongings and freedom, but today is my 90th day clean from making those kind of choices.  This is not to say that I no longer make mistakes because I do, but now I look at the choices I make and do my best to make the best ones possible. 

I used to live life in a way in which I just flowed from one night into the next day.  Not thinking about which day it was.  Not thinking about what kind of responsibilities I needed to be attending to.  Not worrying about my health.  Not taking into consideration the feelings and emotions of others.  Not even my own.  But that life is behind me now.  Hopefully it's behind me forever.  It would be such a shame if I allowed myself to drift back into that type of lifestyle. 

I started making bad choices when I was 13 (I'm now 26), so you can only imagine how liberating it feels now that I have gotten myself back on the right track.  Actually, let me reword that.  It feels liberating to know that God has chosen to transform my life.  Transform my thought processes.  It has only been by God's grace that I have been able to change into this new person.  Not for a minute do I ever need to take any credit for how I have received this gift of life-transforming power.  For 'every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows' (James 1:17).  It has only been through Jesus that I have been saved from the darkness and sea of bad choices that I was making, and he saved me because he loves me. 

I spent 13 years wasting my life away.  Deteriorating my health, both physically and mentally, and especially emotionally.  But now things are finally coming together for me.  I am recovering from a life spent drifting in and out of one day to the next.  I am finally living in the moment...taking one day at a time. 

Don't ever think that you are too far gone to receive help and recover from a horrible past.  My past is full of lies, deceit, manipulation, immoral this and immoral that, and mostly bad choices.  However, I can sit here today, on my 90th day clean of making horrible choices, and honestly say, I am on the road to happiness.  I am putting the past behind me one day at a time and God is helping me build a new future.  It's liberating.  This new life is weird in a sense, but liberating.  I guess it's weird cause I'm finally living in reality.  Reality is weird.  But good.







Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Who's Sittng to the Left of You


To left of me sits my mother.  She has a new digital camera around her neck and she is reading a book trying to figure it out.  The thoughts flowing in and out of her mind are so different from mine.  In front of me is a play set, with two children playing on it.  One of them is my mother's, and the other little one is mine.  The thoughts zooming in and out of their minds are much different than those of mine. 

My mind is overflowing with constant thoughts about tomorrow.  And the next day after.  At times, I can get my mind to slow down long enough to focus merely on today.  During these moments, I constantly thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon me.  But during the other moments, I stay concerned with whether or not the judicial system here in this little town of mine is going to incarcerate me. 

Isn't it odd how four people, my mother, our two children, and myself, can be so close to one another, yet our thought processes are so different.  One of us is trying to figure out how to work a camera.  One of the children is playing with cars.  The other child is setting on the play set, taking in the scenery.  And here I am, trying not to melt away in self-pity and depression.  Yet, here each of us are.  Breathing.  Living. 

Everybody in life faces different circumstances.  Each of us has our ups.  Each of us has our downs.  We have no idea what the lives of those around us are like.  We have no idea what the person setting next to us may be going through or what they are thinking.  Maybe my mother is just pretending to read her book.  Maybe she is just as worrisome about my legal outcome as I am.  Who knows?  Only God. 

Anywho, I'm not even real for sure what the meaning of this posting is.  I just found it odd that as I sit here, with other humans around me, that each of us is on an entirely different page when it comes to life.  Yet, here we all are.  Living and breathing.  Taking in the same scenery.  Taking in the same moments of life.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Spiritual Networking


I am a firm believer in the power of prayer.  In fact, I personally believe that prayer is one of the most powerful and abundant resources that God makes available to us, because I have seen it work wonderous miracles within my own life.

I have never tried to start an online network of prayer, but today I feel as if it may be time to see how you and I both could be blessed from it.  All we have to do is let one another know what we want each other to pray for, followed by asking other people to pray for our requests too. 

Feel free to list your requests below in the comment section of this posting.  If it is something personal, and you don't want to share it publicly on the web, just type up that you need a personal issue prayed for.  I promise to take time every day to pray over your requests. 

Now, as for me, I need everyone who reads this posting to please pray for me.  I have a legal situation in which I need God's mercy to rain down within the Grayson County court system.  I am not requesting that my case be dismissed or anything (although that would be nice), but I would like for the workers within the court system to choose a sentencing for me that falls into line with God's will for my life.  Mostly, I would like to receive prayers that ask God to preserve the best interest's of my son; thus, allowing me to be here with him, not behind bars. 

Thank you ahead of time for each one of you that takes your time to pray for me.  During this most troublesome time of my life, you have no idea how grateful I am for your prayers, thoughts, and concerns.