Cure Anxiety with Mexican Food

Today turned out to be a really good day.  At first, I didn't know how well it was gonna go because I was overwhelmed with anxiety.  My son got invited to a birthday party for a boy who is in his pre-school class, and being that he is only four years old, his father and I thought it best that we stay with him instead of leaving him with complete strangers that we do not know. 

So, why does this type of situation make me anxious?  Well, I am not a people person.  Social situations often make me freak out.  All week I had been trying to prepare myself for this 5 year old's birthday party, but yet when today got here, I got to the point where I was almost throwing up.  I thought to myself, "Whitney, get it together.  Your 'lil boy wants to go to his friend's party, so you are gonna have to suck it up and do your best to get through it." 

Finally, after sleeping half the day away cause I felt like my stomach was literally being tied into a knot, I dragged myself out of bed and got ready for the party.  At the last minute, my little brother who is only a year older than my son decided he wanted to go to the party.  So, there we were.  Two little ones, my son's father, and I all on our way to this party that I was so nervous about attending.  We get to the city park where the party is supposed to be taking place, and immediately I notice something is missing.  There are no pirate balloons.  The invitation said to be on the lookout for pirate balloons, but there were none in sight. 

How could this happen?   This party that I had become so anxious about attending was not even taking place.  Turns out, a dip in the day's temperature caused the party to be moved to the little boy's grandmother's house.  The little boy's mom was unable to reach me and was not able to tell me about the relocation.  I felt so sorry for my son and my little brother that they were going to miss out on the party, but in my head my thoughts were doing joyous flips :)   What's even better is that since we missed out on the party, my son's father decided he wanted to take us all out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant.  I love Mexican food!!

What happened today reminded me that there are so many things in life that I get anxious about for no reason.  So many mole hills that I turn into mountains.  I really need to reevaluate the things that I get anxious about.  I mean, even if the birthday party had been going on, I'm sure everything would have went great, and that my son's father and I would have probably met some really nice people.  And as for all the other issues that I get anxious about, I need to constantly remind myself that they are only temporary, and the odds are, they are probably much smaller problems than I turn them out to be. 

So, the point of today's posting is 'don't waste your time being anxious...go do whatever you got to do and then go eat Mexican' ;)

Sometimes I Don't Know What to Write About

Sometimes I don't know what to write about. During these past two weeks, my inspiration to write has not really been there. It's not that I am getting to a point where I don't like writing. It's just that nothing too exciting has really happened; however, for that I am thankful. I am perfectly content with no surprises. No emotional turn-abouts. No drama. And definitely no run ins with the legal system. I just wish my mind would spark back up and provide me with some good ideas and topics to write about.

As for tonight, when trying to decide what I want to write about, the only thought that has dawned on me is to write about how my troubles over the past few months have left a positive impact on my life. See, I have learned that no matter how bad life gets, good can come out of troublesome times. Positive aspects exist in every situation, but we can only see them if we have our eyes open.

My life seems kinda screwed up right now. It is only by God's grace that I am not sitting behind bars because I am out on bond. I have a curfew that I have to abide by which makes it impossible to go out of town at night. And there are especially no out of state trips going on for me. At one time in my life, abiding by a curfew would have been something that I would not have done. I would have lived life on the edge and risked being put in jail just so I could fulfill my selfish desires; however, I am not that person anymore. God has taken my troubles and changed me through them. Literally, I am a completely new and better person than I used to be.

Even after I had my son four years ago, I continued to make selfish choices, but now I do my best to put others first. I guess the best thing that has come about from my troubles is that I am a better mother. I spend more quality time with my son, and I do a much better job at attending to my motherly responsibilities.

Another positive thing that has come about is that I am being provided a tremendous amount of time to spend with my family. Being on a curfew and living at my parent's home really means I'm putting in the hours with my family. And it's been a really good time spending these past few months with them.

Lastly, my personal time spent with God has increased a hundred fold compared to what it used to be. I really take my time now seeking His will for my life. I understand that He has sovereignly allowed my troublesome times to occur in my life, and that there is some purpose behind what is going on. I'm doing my best to understand what it is that He wants me to learn.

My life is so less hectic than it used to be. So much more peaceful. I never would have thought that I could be a person who finds peace in life even when facing up to 20 years in prison, but through
God's grace, He has allowed me to come to terms with the fact that I am not in control of life. He is. I hate the thought of having to go away from my family, especially my dear, precious son, but if God allows it to happen, then I know that He is using me to accomplish some purpose of His. More importantly, I know that He does not actually need me to accomplish His purposes; but, through His mercy, He is choosing to use me because He loves me.

Whether I have to go away or not, is up to Him. If He chooses to not use me behind bars, then I know that there is some purpose He wants me to fulfill out here in the world.   More importantly, I also keep in mind that there is some purpose He is accomplishing through me at this very moment. 

Just remember, no matter where you go, God is always there, and He always has some purpose that He is accomplishing.  No matter the troubles and trials that you are facing, God is using them for a good purpose. Let Him have His way with you. For many years I resisted the fact that He is ever so present in my life, and that got me nowhere except facing a long time in prison. Don't be like me. Accept Him for who He is. He is everything. He is God.

This Past Week Was Good

This past week was really good.  Mom and dad and the siblings went to Walt Disney World.  They had an awesome time, but they did mention that it was much hotter this time than it has been in the years past.  I would have went and took my lil one but my legal troubles forbid me from being out past 6pm; however, the good 'ole Honeyfest was going on in the nearby town of Clarkson.  We took Lucas, and he had a blast.  He played a fishing game, and after winning he was told he could pick out any prize he wanted...he ended up choosing one of the toy guns.  Lol, I wanted him to pick out one of the large stuffed animals, but he wasn't gonna let that happen.  It was too bad mom and dad couldn't be here to watch him ride rides, but they did get to watch him at the county fair this year. 

All in all, it was a really great week.  The family flew back in today, and so now the home front is back to being loud and hectic, but that's the way I prefer it.  One of the best things that has come about out of my legal troubles is that it has caused me to slow down and savor the good things in life...like being around and with my family.  God has blessed me tremendously with a loving family, and for that I am forever grateful.

I feel like the past couple of weeks have been a really mellow point in my life.  There hasn't been any drama, nor any high points.  It's been kind of peaceful.  God is really teaching me patience as well as thankfulness.  Just a couple of months ago my legal troubles constantly kept me on edge.  Kept me awake at nights.  Now, through God's grace and help, I am learning to release every struggle, anxious thought, and concern of mine into His hands.  I can't control how my legal troubles will be resolved.  Only He can.  Now that I'm learning He is control, it is allowing me to let go of my battles and enjoy life.  I am slowly learning that my battles are not mine...they are His. 

Not only have I released my legal matters into His hands, but many of my other concerns as well; these include financial issues, relationship matters, and much more.  The more I let go of them, the more He shows me that I am on the right track and that He is in control and taking care of everything. 

Thank you God for constantly showing me you are in control. 
Thank you family for being the best family I could ever have.
Thank you Eddie for loving me.
Thank you Lucas for being such a wonderful son.
Thanks to each of you who take your time to read my postings...God bless you!!!

Summer to Fall: The Seasons of Life are Always Changing

After a restless night of sleep, today turned out to be probably the most beautiful day of the year so far.  There was a crisp breeze in the air that reminded me we are yet again fixing to enter into a new season of the year.  I love this time of year when a changing of seasons takes place.  If you haven't taken a look at my posting titled My Changing of Seasons, you should definitely give it a read. 

All of us are always going through a changing of seasons within our own lives.  These changes can be felt to a great degree when we allow ourselves to take them in.  Sometimes, we may not want to open ourselves up to them because it may appear that changing from one season into another is a tiresome and exhausting task; however, we should always remember every season brings forth opportunities of growth.  Even the seasons that we dread entering into, good can come out of them. 

Not all seasons in our life are we going to look forward to.  Some people don't look forward to Fall and Winter, just the same as some people dread Spring and Summer; however, each season has its own advantages.  By successfully making it through each season, the ones that follow become that much more sweeter. 

If you are entering into a season of your life that you're not looking forward to, take time to identify the things in your life that you are thankful for.  In doing so, your fear and anxiety tied to the future will quickly fade.  Thankfulness can wipe away your worries of defeat.  If you are entering into a season in which you have for a long time been anticipating, take time to thank God for the season he is blessing you with. 

I was reading Joshua earlier today and what I have gathered so far out of this amazing book is that God can help us become victorious over any struggles that we may be facing in our life.  Every season in our life will present its own troubles, but God can help us joyously overcome them.  This book also pointed out that we are most vulnerable to be defeated after a victory has been obtained.  We would be wise to take these words to heart just like every other word written in the bible. 

Through God we can reach victory.  But, victory is many times followed by defeat because we often times forget who the victory was achieved through.  Everything we have we owe thanks to Jesus for.  Every season is presented to us only by his grace. 

Callin' Names is not Nice

Calling people names really isn't nice, especially if a person is not confident in the person that he or she is.  Take for example, if someone calls a person a 'cheatin meth whore,' this can lead to devastation in that person's life if he or she begins to delve on the past and begins considering that maybe the label really does apply.

However, as long as a person views him or herself through the eyes of God, then it is clear to conclude that the label does not fit.  Maybe a person at one time or another made some poor choices in the past, but the past is the past, it need not stick around during the present or future.

So, keeping all the above said in mind, people should understand that calling names is simply immature, and if spoken to a person who has not came to grasp with the fact that he or she is a prince or princess in the eyes of God, calling names can in fact lead to a person developing a poor self-image about one's self.

We would all be wise to remember that each of us has a past.  Most of these pasts are full of regretted choices, guilt, and shame, but they do not have to dictate who we are today.  Our present time here on this earth does not have to be labeled with mistakes we made years ago, weeks ago, or even yesterday.

And to those of you who can't bite your tongue and feel the need to relinquish immature thoughts on others, just know that you are no better than anyone else.  In fact, you are no better and no less.  You are simply who you make yourself out to be.  Don't make yourself out to be some immature dude who can only feel better about yourself by calling other people names.  Understand that you are loved by many people in this world including the Almighty God and me.  You don't have to bring other people down in order for you to feel good on the inside.  You yourself have many great qualities in you that you should focus on.   All people have good qualities inside of them.  Don't cover them up with negative ones.  Don't make people forget the good side of you by opening your mouth and calling someone a name.  You are too good to act like that.

A Godly Princess

During my younger years, I was just like many other girls who had been raised in America.  I was provided an education from public schools, and I was told "Whitney, you can become whatever you want to be."  I believed it.  I honestly believed I could go as far in life as I wanted.  Not only did I place confidence in this statement because I was being told it by my parents, but my academics reflected the necessary qualifications that becoming whatever I wanted was indeed a great possibility. 

I grew up receiving what I consider a 'perfect childhood.'  I never heard my parents yell at one another.  Money was at times an issue, but not for long.  By the time I was seven my father began creating for himself a home-building business in which he used to completely rid my family of any debt they were in.  Still to this day, my family has no debt.  My father has lived his life sticking to his morals, values, and beliefs, which include never being in debt with anyone. 

Also, during my childhood, I was fully supported by my parents in whatever endeavors I wanted to go on.  From sports to playing piano to traveling the United States, my parents were always by my side to cheer me on.  I was in fact, an Amercian little princess in their eyes. 

By the time I was 13, I had decided what I wanted to do in life.  I wanted to be an accountant, and my math skills proved to myself and my family that I had what it would take to excel in any type of accounting career that I chose to follow.  With time, effort, patience, and guidance from God, I could become whatever I wanted to be.  I could become the CEO of a company.  I could build my own business from the ground up.  I could even be a stay-at-home mother if I chose and work out of a home office.  In reality, anything I wanted was attainable.

But, my dreams were crushed.  Completely shattered.  The little princess who had her eyes focused on the things that mattered in life such as God, family, school, etc., quickly learned at a young age that she suffered from a drug addiction.  My ability to maintain focus on God, my family, and other important things deteriorated.  For 13 years, my attention span became no larger than being able to think about how I was going to get my next high, and this didn't require much thought, as I always found it simple to manipulate people into supplying me with the drugs I thought I needed. 

Now, as a woman who has reached 26 years of age, I sit here bewildered.  I find it so hard to believe that I used to live my life the way I did.  I also find it so overwhelming that God loves me so much that he chose to keep me safe all those years.  Not only me, but also my four year old son, as well as his father who also suffered from a drug addiction. 

Who am I that God has chosen to take such a broken life, full of shame, guilt, and shattered dreams, and rebuild it into something that is of worth value to him?  It's most definitely not because of something I have done.  It's simply because he loves me. 

For the rest of my life, I will be recovering from my past.  I will be recovering from a drug addiction that took me down some of the darkest roads imaginable.  It is a slow process, but one definitely worth the end result, which is heaven. 

No matter what we do in life, no matter how shattered our dreams may become, we still have God.  He is always patiently waiting for us to turn back to him.  He is ready to help us.  Just take me for example; he took an 'American princess turned junkie' and transformed me into his little princess.  A godly princess. 

Keep Your Mouth Shut

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. Proverbs 10:19 (NLT)

We humans often feel compelled to talk.  To talk a little bit more.  Followed by more talking.  In many situations, this only leads to disaster.  Saying the wrong thing can hurt people.  Asking the wrong questions can hurt people as well.

We would all be wise to take into consideration the words that we speak to one another.  Most likely, there are people in our life that we could go without talking to.  If so, then stop speaking to them.  If talking to a certain person only reveals emotions and feelings that are not healthy, stop speaking with that person.  Texting and emailing apply as well. 

If we really think about it, there are probably only a few choice people in our life that we HAVE to talk to.  Now, I'm not saying that it is ok to be rude and ignore people who try to have a conversation with us, but we don't have to delve out to them every detail of our life when answering a question.  In fact, most questions can be answered with a simple yes or no. 

We, and this applies just as much to me as it does everyone else, need to realize that too much talk leads to sin.  Keeping our mouths shut, as well as keeping our fingers idle instead of typing away at texting and instant messaging, very well may help us lead more sensible lives. 

If you are anything like me, you could use a little more sense in your life.  One of the best ways to do this is to stop talking, texting, and emailing so much.  Have a great day!!!

P.S. And if you feel you must talk, try talking to the man above.  And then keep your mouth shut so you can hear what he has to say.  That's just a tip I thought I would throw in.