Ok, Whatever. Peace.

For me, there is always that one person in life that I cannot seem to see eye to eye with.  That I cannot come to some type of agreeable terms with.  Does this mean we are bad people?  That we do not care about one another?  Absolutely not!  It just means that neither one of us has gotten to a point in life in which we are completely unselfish.  We both still have our own agendas, and they apparently do not correlate with another. 

So, does this mean an entire relationship should be flushed away?  All the moments of laughter, growth and progress completely forgotten about?  No.  But life is what it is.  Some things are lost, some things are won.  Sometimes the things that matter the most to us, we simply lose.  We grasp on to them with all of our strength, but our strength alone is not strong enough to hold on to them for forever. 

Would not it be easier to simply agree to not agree, while at the same time agreeing to endure through the hardships and use them as opportunties of growth?  Well, yes it would be easier, but this cannot take place when one side of a relationship thinks he or she has done nothing wrong.  For me, in this type of situation, I have to simply add another chalk mark under my life's 'lost column'. 

So, what do I do now?  What are these next few weeks going to be like?

I can tell you what I am not going to do.  I am not going to use a substance to numb the pain.  I am not going to make another stupid mistake and get into more legal trouble. 

I will make it through tonight.  Tomorrow.  Next week.  Through the rest of my life.  I will learn from the mistakes made in not being able to see eye to eye with a person.  Mostly, I will from now on look at those people whom I cannot agree with and say the following 3 meaningful words, "OK, whatever. Peace."

What does "having it all" mean to you? Is it attainable?

To me, "having it all" means having a perfect life. Perfect health, perfect relationships, perfect attitude, perfect peace. And no, for me, it is not attainable.

My health is not as good as it should be; this is due to many years of injecting illegal substances into my body. My relationships are far from perfect. My attitude often needs a readjustment. And my peace is still working itself out.

Thankfully, I am not a person who wants to "have it all". I am content with the health I have, for it could be far worse. I am content with my relationships because they are growing in a healthy manner. I am content with my attitude, for it has gotten a lot better now that I have realized the world does not revolve around myself. And my peace with the world and myself is getting much stronger.

With all that said, in a sense, I do "have it all", because I have everything I need, and that is all that matters. If you know anyone that "has it all", has that perfect life, please let me know. I would love to meet them.

No More Stayin Awake for Days

One-thirty in the morning, and I am still awake.  Some things just never change for me...like the late hours of staying awake; however, this night, I can assure you, I will be closing my eyes before too long, which is unlike many of my yesterdays in which I would not close them for several days. 

I am so glad that the 'staying awake for several days at a time' thing has changed for me.  I feel so much healthier now that I have been getting proper amounts of sleep, as well as proper amounts of food.  My life is not perfect or anything, nor did I expect it to be by merely changing the substances that I put into my body, but it is much better than it used to be.  My relationships are better, my work ethic is better, and my spiritual life has taken a leap forward. 

Still yet, I constantly have to remind myself that I am not in control of every detail within my life.  Yeah, I can control what substances enter my body, what words my ears hear, and what sights my eyes take in, but that is about it.  Everything else is out of my control.  I cannot control what tomorrow will bring, and I keep finding that worrying about my tomorrows is what seems to keep me so anxious, as well as what keeps me up on nights like tonight.

I hate feelings of anxiety.  Literally hate them.  I want so bad to know what next week and the next few months will be like for me, and this is what keeps me on edge. 

I am thankful to my God that I am learning to be patient.  That he has helped reduce the amount of anxiety in my life, but still yet, the anxiety still lingers within me.  Slowly but surely, I know that God is working out everything for me.  That the outcome of the next few days, weeks, months, and years will be for the best.  The best for me.  The best for my son.  The best for everyone that I love. 

Keeping all that in mind, I think I will go to sleep now.  It is nice going to sleep knowing that someone greater than myself is working behind the scenes to take care of my problems, cause I sure cannot.  Even the stupid, idiotic problems that I have caused for myself, my God is taking care of. 

If you have any problems, whether they be significant or stupid, hand them over to God.  He will take care of them.  Trust me, he has gotten plenty of experience dealing with my petty problems that I know he can handle anything.  He's been doing this whole 'hand your problems over to him' thing for a long time now. 

My Changing of Seasons

Tingling sensations of energy often find their way flowing within my mind and soul during the change of a new season. Through many years, it has also become a familiarity that no matter how a season ends or evolves, the invisible process that takes place, especially from Winter to Spring, becomes a contagious concoction.

Those people who delve out the effort and time to soak in the wondrous sensations of the positive-inconsistency that cloak many of our day to day routines find their selves bathing in moments of euphoria. Change is good, especially if you get to a point like me where nothing but a good change can fix many of your daily and/or lifelong issues that keep you awake at night.

 If you regularly do not notice environmental adaptions that take place from one season to another, at least begin to look within yourself and assess how your body, mind, and soul go through continual seasons of change. This type of seasonal-personal evaluation very well may be the sense of motivation you have been looking for lately. I know it has been for me.

My Thoughts on Pranking

A prank is not something that I would ever desire to have conspired against me. A prank is only beneficial when it has been determined that there is absolutely no other way to catch the prankee's attention in a manner that will still allow him or her to not endure the consequences that would normally take place if the sneaky scheme was not a prank (hope you understood that;). If a prank is a must, it should only be performed once.  In a sense, a prank can be thought of as a warning.

The worst types of pranks are those that involve legal matters and marital or relationship issues.

My Opinion of Reality TV

Reality television to me is a way for actors/actresses to receive desired attention. The attention itself is positive when using it to address a certain issue that needs to be resolved or studied, but it is negative when used in a way to boost one's self-image. A person's self-image cannot be based on his or her moments caught on film during a reality television broadcast. These types of shows tend to be full of drama and relay to the public messages that only hurt the world's social well-being.

But when can reality TV ever really be considered pure reality? Only if the actor/actresses are not aware of the filming, and this by all means is unethical.

Tomorrow Never Gets Here

When our lives are full of anticipation, we often forget to ask for patience.  We stay so consumed with being anxious, looking to get to the next the big thing in our life, that we take for granted the blessings in which we are currently being provided. 


Tomorrow will not bring the satisfaction that we are looking for.  Tomorrow will bring its own troubles, just as today has.  We must get to a point in our life in which we are satisfied with today.  Today is a blessing.  Each passing second is more than what we deserve, and they should never be taken for granted. 

We are not in control of what tomorrow will hold, so never assume it is going to pan out as you have it planned.  On the bright side, we can find hope in knowing that tomorrow might be better than what the present day is providing us with. 


For me, being patient and taking one day at a time is a hard thing to do. I constantly want for tomorrow to get here, because I feel as if the presence of that day will somehow give me what I need. Give me what I have been looking for. Unfortunately, this causes me to forget that I have already been given exactly what I need to get through this very day at hand.

Patience can be provided to those of us who ask for it. It is not something that can be developed overnight if we seek it on our own; however, if we ask the Man above, it can be instilled within us in the blink of an eye.

Continually remember, tomorrow always turns into today.  Keeping this in mind, also remember that the only day to find true hope and patience in is today.  Today is what you have been searching for.  Today is a blessing.  Today is enough...enough to get you through until tomorrow.  Tomorrow has finally gotten here...it is today.