One Year Ago Today

I am so amazed at how my life has changed since this very day last year.  Last year at this time, as Jamie Johnson would say in his song High Cost of Living, "three days straight was no big feat, I could get by on no food or sleep."  I was spiraling down a road that led straight to hell.  The choices I made in no way were beneficial to me, and they most certainly were not drawing me near to God. 

But oh my my, look at what God has done!!  He took me just as I was, sent me through some cleansing waters, and low and behold, he never let me drown.  He washed me and washed me until my mind became clean and I could see the light.  He washed me until I could see him.  And now, my eyes don't come off of him.  I look for him in everything I do, and I always find him.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13

This is not to say that I do not fall off the balance beam of living a healthy Christian life.  I often find myself making mistakes; however, I do turn to his guidance and forgiveness in all areas of my life.  I am so blessed by how far he has brought me. 

One year.
In one year I have came so far. 

One year ago today was my fiance's birthday.  Happy Birthday Eddie!  I love you more than words can explain so I won't try.  I'm certain that you know my love for you is as unconditional as a human love can be.

One year.
I can't wait to see what the next year holds.  If God has brought me thus far in only one year, I can only imagine how much farther he will bring me in the next year. 

Questions For Jesus

 

 

-How many stars are there?
-Assuming you can fly, do you ever go skydiving w/o a parachute?
-When your mother taught you about creation, did you get surprised at parts, or did you simply look at her and say, "I already know this mom."
-What is your favorite animal?
-Which miracle that you performed was your most enjoyable? 
-Did you ever have a girlfriend?
-Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?
-Did you ever receive an injury as a young child or young adult, go to a place by yourself, and heal it before any one knew you were hurt?
-What is the funniest joke you have ever heard?
-What is your favorite sport?
-Do you have a lucky number?
-Do you like walking on land or water better?
-How big are you making my bedroom in heaven?

Be Still

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

It is amazing what happens in life when I force myself to be still~~it is then that I can see that God is who he says he is.  When I stay wrapped up in my thoughts, the only thing I see are my many problems.  Once I slow down, instead of all my problems, I begin to see how God is moving mountains in my life.  Some of them he completely rids of, while others he simply rearranges so that I can deal with them when he has adequately prepared me for them. 

Do you have problems and mountains in your life?  Financial issues, substance abuse problems, family-related anxieties, school problems, marriage difficulties?  All of these things are mountains in your life that God wants to move or rearrange.  You don't have to move the mountains yourself.  He wants to do it for you.  He is who is he says he is, and if you will be still, he will show you. 

Choosing not to Rip You a New You-Know-What

I hate it when someone from my past tries (and succeeds) to bring me down by throwing my past in my face.  I mean, come on!!!  It's my past, leave it alone.  My past itself does a good enough job at throwing itself in my face without someone else's help!!

I bet if this certain someone took a few seconds to dwell upon his or her past, he or she would quickly realize that he or she has a regretful past as well.  I'm not saying his or her past is worse than mine, cause many times I find it hard to believe that anyone could have a past worst than mine, but I can assure you that his or her past is not perfect.  We have all made mistakes.  We have all fallen short. 
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.

But, the main point is that none of us should be living in our past, and we most definitely should not be throwing someone else's past up in their face.  Part of me wants to tear into someone who throws my past up in my face.  I wanna rip them a new you-know-what.  I wanna find out every little thing I can about this person and use it to bring them down.  BUT, I know that's not right, and that fighting fire with fire will only make a bigger fire. 

So, what do I do?  I turn to God.  I see what he has to say about getting over my past, and I also pray that this degrading person will successfully get through his or her depression and stop bringing me down by throwing my past in my face.

Here is what the bible says about getting over the past:

"But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" - Philippians 3:14

"Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him. - Romans 4:7-8

God isn't the God of the dead, but of the living. -Matthew 22:32

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. -Phil 3:13-14

Fluffy Clouds and Rainbows

I assumed that when I got home from prison my life was gonna be all "fluffy clouds and rainbows."  IT'S NOT!!!  While I know I should not be complaining, for I don't have a sick kid in the hospital and my health itself is holding up, I am still bombarded with many of life's troubles.  From overdue bills to a not-so-ideal living situation (I'm still living at home with my parents at the age of 26), stressful issues seem to be popping up everywhere. 

So, what do I do?  I turn to God.  Several times throughout the day, every day, I have to turn my life's issues and problems over to God.  About five minutes after turning them over to him, I quickly notice that I have picked the problems back up and I'm trying to control my life once again.  Why can't I just let him deal with the problems?  I know that he knows what it is best, and that he can deal with my problems more effectively than I can. 

I need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok.  So, here are some verses that I have looked up.  I hope you may find peace and assurance in them too. 

Isaiah 41:10

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Philippians 4:19

And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-8

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 'And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD. "For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit.

Psalm 9:9-10

The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble, And those who know Thy name will put their trust in Thee; For Thou, O LORD, hast not forsaken those who seek Thee.

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

I'm Home from Prison

Yesterday morning I awoke in a county jail.  Two mornings before that I awoke in a state Prison.  You have no idea how much God has worked in my life over the past month. 

On January 8, 2013, I was sentenced to five years under the supervision of the Department of Corrections.  The victim of my case, who I have been praying for forgiveness from, showed up at my sentencing and signed an Affidavit stating she wished for me to receive shock probation after 30 days served. 

I was immediately taken into custody after my court hearing that day.  Even on the way to the jail I was praising God that the girl had forgiven me for my terrible crime and that I was only going to have to spend 30 days in jail. 

After 10 days in, I was woke up at five o'clock in the morning and told that I was leaving.  I said, "What?  I am going home?"  The guard said in a smartelic voice, "No honey, you are going to prison."

Never in my life had I been so scared.  But God stayed by my side the entire time I was in prison.  I could see him working on a daily basis.  I will write a more in-depth posting on my stay in prison at another time.

As for now, I am so thankful to be home.  I am so thankful that I have a loving God who never left my side even as I was locked behind bars and barbwire fences.  God didn't stand behind the fences looking in at me yelling at a distance that everything would be ok.  No, He grabbed my hand and went directly in with me into that prison. 

Could Be My Last Posting for Awhile

As I sit here tonight, I don't suppose I have ever been so nervous in my entire life.  For the past eight months I have been awaiting to discover if I have to go to jail.  I made a horrible mistake last year and on November 20th of last year, I pled guilty to an Assault in the 2nd Degree charge. 

The girl that I "assaulted" received no serious injury, but still, I am guilty.  It is so weird going from one day into the next knowing that little me assaulted someone.  I mean, in a million years I never thought I would be going to jail for assault.  Anywho, tomorrow I go up for sentencing.  The judge and prosecutor have agreed to probation, but there is a chance the victim could step in and try to protest my probation.  The weird thing is that I have been praying every night for the past eight months that this girl would forgive me and have mercy on me, and now I am being told that my very outcome of the situation is going to be based on her forgiveness.  The very thing that I have been praying about is what my situation is going to be based on.  Weird uh?  I kind've think it's weird, but then again I know it's just the way God works. 

I really don't wanna go away.  In fact, every ounce of emotion within me is trying to keep from crying because I am scared to death that I am going to have to go away.  I made a mistake.  I didn't even mean to harm the girl in an intentional manner.  I don't even know this girl.  She is an innocent bystander who unfortunately got caught up in a moment of rage of mine.  I know consequences have to be paid, but O, my God, hear my plea.  Rain your mercy down on me please.  Tomorrow I want to be here typing words of praise to you.  Not sitting in a jail cell.  But even if I go away, I will be praising my sweet Jesus. 

This very well may be my last posting for awhile, but hopefully not.  Please keep me in your prayers.