Reality is Weird

Today is a milestone for me.  A milestone that I didn't even know I was pressing toward.  In fact, I didn't realize that today is what it is until I awoke this morning and did some quick calculations in my head.  Anywho, yay for me!!

I used to make bad choices.  Choices that were selfish and self-indulgent.  Choices that didn't give a crap about anyone but making myself happy.  Choices that have costs me everything, including personal belongings and freedom, but today is my 90th day clean from making those kind of choices.  This is not to say that I no longer make mistakes because I do, but now I look at the choices I make and do my best to make the best ones possible. 

I used to live life in a way in which I just flowed from one night into the next day.  Not thinking about which day it was.  Not thinking about what kind of responsibilities I needed to be attending to.  Not worrying about my health.  Not taking into consideration the feelings and emotions of others.  Not even my own.  But that life is behind me now.  Hopefully it's behind me forever.  It would be such a shame if I allowed myself to drift back into that type of lifestyle. 

I started making bad choices when I was 13 (I'm now 26), so you can only imagine how liberating it feels now that I have gotten myself back on the right track.  Actually, let me reword that.  It feels liberating to know that God has chosen to transform my life.  Transform my thought processes.  It has only been by God's grace that I have been able to change into this new person.  Not for a minute do I ever need to take any credit for how I have received this gift of life-transforming power.  For 'every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows' (James 1:17).  It has only been through Jesus that I have been saved from the darkness and sea of bad choices that I was making, and he saved me because he loves me. 

I spent 13 years wasting my life away.  Deteriorating my health, both physically and mentally, and especially emotionally.  But now things are finally coming together for me.  I am recovering from a life spent drifting in and out of one day to the next.  I am finally living in the moment...taking one day at a time. 

Don't ever think that you are too far gone to receive help and recover from a horrible past.  My past is full of lies, deceit, manipulation, immoral this and immoral that, and mostly bad choices.  However, I can sit here today, on my 90th day clean of making horrible choices, and honestly say, I am on the road to happiness.  I am putting the past behind me one day at a time and God is helping me build a new future.  It's liberating.  This new life is weird in a sense, but liberating.  I guess it's weird cause I'm finally living in reality.  Reality is weird.  But good.