Monday, June 25, 2012
My Thoughts While Incarcerated
I wrote the following words during the month of May in 2012.
I am not going through a disaster. A disaster occurs when there is an earthquake, when a parent discovers his or her child has a terminal illness, or something of such horrendous magnitude.
I am going through a valuable learning opportunity. An opportunity that God has divinely given to me at this very point in my life. From it, I have the amazing capability to make myself a better person, because I am being provided a significant amount of time in which I can deeply reflect upon my past and present actions, followed by releasing all of them to God. Choosing to do so allows me to make positive choices along the path that I walk today, which in return brings me better tomorrows, especially when they are compared to my yesterdays.
Often times in life, through sorrow and tears, I find myself on my knees. It is during these moments that I am bending down to pick up the pieces of my life that I have previously given up on. Time and time again, through God's mercy, once I pick them up, I find that they should have never been thrown down, because they miracously fit together with one another and help complete the beautiful puzzle God has created out of my life.
God continually allows me to hear his whispers in which he softly says, "Dear child of mine, you are going home soon. Bear with me a few more days, and I will carry you home to your son and family."
It is so wonderful that I have finally slowed down enough in my life to hear hear his sweet voice. Do not misunderstand me. My anxieties and inner-stress have not been completely eliminated. The human and sinful nature within me still keep me on edge at times, but through each day, I keep a strong grasp on the hope that comes through the relationship I have with Jesus Christ; this hope is what I find confidence in. Through this confidence, I know God is in control of each and every piece of my puzzling life. He carves each piece so that it beautifully interconnects perfectly with other pieces in a unique and divine manner.
Some of the people who surround me constantly throw negative viewpoints in my walkway. During these moments, I leap towards God, who then helps me swiftly jump over all the negativity in my life. I refuse to look at anything negative, for I know God works all things together for the good of me, because I love him.
All around me I am surrounded with the presence of God. Yes, even in jail, my Lord, Jesus Christ, is by my side! I find him in my heart. I find him in the Bible. I find him in the other women who are here. In fact, I find more of him in here than I have seen of him in a long time, but this is only because I look for him now, and in my yesterdays I did not.
Honestly, I seek him both day and night now. Through my seekings, I constantly find him. He provides me with everything I need and ask for. I yearn for the Holy Ghost to rest within me, and he allows it to. Praise be to Jesus---he is my Savior.
No matter how much bad news comes my way, my Lord, Jesus Christ, allows me to continously hear and remember the Good News---the Gospel; this Good News gets me through all the moments that come to pass. All my days. All my nights.
It is amazing how deep the waters are that Jesus pulls me through. It is through these waters that he is thoroughly cleansing me. At times, it seems as if I may drown, but always he provides me with fresh air to breathe and endless opportunties to breathe out his love.
These walls cannot block my heart from him. This darkness cannot hide his light. He breaks through the walls. His light shines in on me. His heart, water, and Spirit cleanse every impurity found within me. I am being sanctified. I am being blessed. I am being loved.