As for tonight, when trying to decide what I want to write about, the only thought that has dawned on me is to write about how my troubles over the past few months have left a positive impact on my life. See, I have learned that no matter how bad life gets, good can come out of troublesome times. Positive aspects exist in every situation, but we can only see them if we have our eyes open.
My life seems kinda screwed up right now. It is only by God's grace that I am not sitting behind bars because I am out on bond. I have a curfew that I have to abide by which makes it impossible to go out of town at night. And there are especially no out of state trips going on for me. At one time in my life, abiding by a curfew would have been something that I would not have done. I would have lived life on the edge and risked being put in jail just so I could fulfill my selfish desires; however, I am not that person anymore. God has taken my troubles and changed me through them. Literally, I am a completely new and better person than I used to be.
Even after I had my son four years ago, I continued to make selfish choices, but now I do my best to put others first. I guess the best thing that has come about from my troubles is that I am a better mother. I spend more quality time with my son, and I do a much better job at attending to my motherly responsibilities.
Another positive thing that has come about is that I am being provided a tremendous amount of time to spend with my family. Being on a curfew and living at my parent's home really means I'm putting in the hours with my family. And it's been a really good time spending these past few months with them.
Lastly, my personal time spent with God has increased a hundred fold compared to what it used to be. I really take my time now seeking His will for my life. I understand that He has sovereignly allowed my troublesome times to occur in my life, and that there is some purpose behind what is going on. I'm doing my best to understand what it is that He wants me to learn.
My life is so less hectic than it used to be. So much more peaceful. I never would have thought that I could be a person who finds peace in life even when facing up to 20 years in prison, but through
God's grace, He has allowed me to come to terms with the fact that I am not in control of life. He is. I hate the thought of having to go away from my family, especially my dear, precious son, but if God allows it to happen, then I know that He is using me to accomplish some purpose of His. More importantly, I know that He does not actually need me to accomplish His purposes; but, through His mercy, He is choosing to use me because He loves me.
Whether I have to go away or not, is up to Him. If He chooses to not use me behind bars, then I know that there is some purpose He wants me to fulfill out here in the world. More importantly, I also keep in mind that there is some purpose He is accomplishing through me at this very moment.
Just remember, no matter where you go, God is always there, and He always has some purpose that He is accomplishing. No matter the troubles and trials that you are facing, God is using them for a good purpose. Let Him have His way with you. For many years I resisted the fact that He is ever so present in my life, and that got me nowhere except facing a long time in prison. Don't be like me. Accept Him for who He is. He is everything. He is God.
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